She is not a BABE or a CHICK – She is a BREASTED AMERICAN

She is not a SCREAMER or a MOANER – She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

She is not EASY – She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

She is not DUMB – She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY

She has not BEEN AROUND – She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION

She is not an AIR HEAD – She is REALITY IMPAIRED

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY – She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED

She is not HORNY – She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS – She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED

She is not a SLUT – she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED

She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE – She is a LOW COST PROVIDER

One day, a blind man and his dog are walking down a street, they come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

The blind man and his dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, and offers it to the dog.

A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can’t control his amazement and says to the blind man, “Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!”

The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, “To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass.”

A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, “Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.”

The twenty answered, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?”

The one dollar bill said, “You know, same old stuff … church, church, church.”